The Road is Long and in The End... The Journey is the Destination

Sometimes I sit in a quiet room and ponder to myself if some of the decisions I have made have been the right ones. I wonder if the direction my life has taken me really is for the best. Pictures spark old memories; Some happy, some sad... Some make me wonder what could have been.

What if I hadn't pushed that boy away? Would it be me that he's so happy in love with now?

He's a better guy that what I realized at the time.

What if I gave one last burst of effort to fight for a friendship that was slipping through the cracks?

Would we still be best friends? Would it still be me and her against the world?

What if I said I was sorry? What if we took the time to work out our differences?

Would he still be alive?

Would I be able to tell him that I've changed? That I'm not the same person I used to be?

Would he be proud of me?

Are the words that are printed so clearly, so plain as day on that sheet of paper true?

Have I made a difference in someones life? Do my friends know I'm there for them? Do they know I care and support them, and would do anything for them? Or am I just an average friend to them?

Is it partially my fault that my sister and I aren't as close as we used to be? Does she know that I wish we could go back to the way it used to be when we'd actually spend time together and have things to talk about?

If I would have gone to church more in the past couple years, would I still have had to fight through the last ten months of my life? Am I only hurting myself?

I'm hoping I can find the answers to most of these questions at some point in my life.

Some, I don't think I'll know the answers to until I'm graced with the presence on my Heavenly Father.

Mark my words, I'll be asking a lot of questions. I sure hope He's ready for it.

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair... remember, it's only in the black of night you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for... Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined... Who knows where life will take you.

The road is long and in the end... the journey is the destination.

Moments that Matter...

Justice is my second home.

Literally.

I love my job. I love meeting all these adorable girls everyday and helping them feel special and having a splendid time with them.

Nothing is better than seeing an electrified smile spring across her face when she finds the perfect outfit, the perfect accessory, or when she's wished a "Happy Birthday" on her special day.

One of my fondest memories over the past three years I have been there has to be sometime within the first year I was there. I had gone through some major, but greatly needed changes in my life and was figuring some things out. I stepped up my game and let the adorable girls heal my broken heart. One evening I was working when two girls (probably around ages six and eight?) came in with their mother. We had fun picking out outfits, accessories, shoes and fun things. They danced to the music and showed off their treasures they had found that they got to take home. As  they were leaving I walked with them to the door to say goodbye and the girls both gave me the biggest, loving hugs. They were thrilled from the bottom of their heart that I took the time to have fun with them. That's when I knew I loved my job. Since then, I've had my share of ups and downs... Good days and bad days... But I still can honestly say that I enjoy my job. That's not the most common of statements to hear these days. I am one of the few lucky ones.

Considering where I work, I love me some tweeny-bop music...

I hear it all day long, everyday.

It's become a part of me.

It's fun, happy, upbeat...

Yes, I love Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, Selina Gomez and Demi Lavatto... And yes, it's ALL on my iPod.

As I was driving home from work the other day, my pod was on shuffle. A Corbin Bleu song came on titled,

Moments that Matter. 

Naturally, I left it on and listened to it.

Part of the song goes like so:

Keep those you love close to you
Cause when it gets tough, they'll help you pull through
No, don't let anybody take your moment from you
Because that's all that matters in the end
That's all that matters...

Cause I figured out these are the moments that matter, matter
And I figured out, that these are the moments that mean the most to me
Cause I know I got

friends

trust

family

and love

All around me, that should be enough
And I figured out that these are the moments that matter, matter to me...

Then I stopped to think about my amazing family and friends. They're always there, they're always loving, and I felt honored to be blessed with so many great people in my life. 

Sure, I have my hard days. I struggle and I hurt... But I fight through the pain and the crap that's pulling me down because that's the only choice I have. Eventually, it will pass...

It is but a small moment in time-- Less than a split second in the eternal perspective.  

I'm learning to love myself and I'm learning to love everything about my life, whether it be joyous or difficult.

"Remember, this is now. Live it, feel it, cling to it.

I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted..."

-Sylvia Plath

This Weekend...

This weekend is a big deal.

I get my taxes back on Friday and oh how lovely it will be.

1,900 dollars. That's right.

This is what I will do...

Get my Arcade Fire ticket.

New Moccasins.

Go see Justin Bieber.

Go to dinner with Krista.

Maybe get Lady Gaga ticket? Haven't decided..

Pay my entire phone bill. (150 dollars... blah :[  kill me now.)

Pay Grandparents back for when they made my car payment last summer.

Pay off Best Buy credit card.

Anything left over is going to other bills.

It will be nice to be almost completely debt free.

(Besides my car, of course.)

A Dream is a Wish your Heart makes... Or NOT...??

I had the weirdest dream of my life last night.

It was the same dream all night long for ten hours...

Yes, I slept for ten hours last night... No, my voice is still gone.

Every time I woke up, I'd fall back asleep and the dream would pick up where we left off.

It was honestly so weird that I can't even explain it.

All I can explain is that a bunch of us were being held hostage for some reason by this crazy bear-monster guy.

Why? I don't have a clue. 

Also, I've had MANY weird dreams about my tongue in my lifetime.

It was incorporated into this dream last night...

I don't understand the symbolism of the tongue...?

The only other things I remember are...

The sweet & sour button candies.

Josh having fang teeth.

Listening to a Marilyn Monroe record on vinyl.

Meeting my future boyfriend/husband.

The crazy tongue part.

The animals we knew and their children who ate raw egg for food.

The look on his face when he heard his crying child.

The giant cabin.

The monster in the ceiling tiles.

Yeah my brain is freakin messed up.

Imagine this dream if I were on Ambien last night...

Wow.

I thought you packed the toilet paper...

I left the bathroom window open as I was showering this afternoon since it was a fairly nice day today. When I got out, I could hear the neighbor boys riding their 4-wheelers in the dirt field behind my house. the combination of the fresh, almost-spring air and the sound of racing ATV's really made me want summer. BAD. I can't wait to go on some eventful camping trips... Either with family or with friends.

I miss camping.

I feel like it's been forever since I've been able to go.

I miss the fresh mountain air.

I miss crazy fast ATV rides.

I miss the ghetto old green tent that basically a million people can fit into.

I miss the clanking sound of the tea kettle as my daddy boils water for the hot cocoa every morning.

I miss how food always tastes so much better when cooked over a fire.

I miss being able to enjoy the sunrise.

I miss a good long hike.

I miss Jiffy pop and the endless junk food that's available 24 hours a day.

I miss being without a phone for a few days... No texts, tweets, emails or Facebook...

I miss going on nature walks and feeling thankful for our beautiful earth.

I miss the warm cozy feeling of nestling down into a warm flannel sleeping bag,

even if the night air is chilly.

I miss how grandma forgot the Ketchup.

I miss star gazing in the crisp night air, and counting my blessings because God knows I have so much to be thankful for.

I miss campfire songs and ghost stories.

I miss panicking about the thought of bear coming into camp.

I miss the crickets in the evening and the singing birds in the morning.

I miss the huge fires my dad can build in point two seconds.

I miss it all.

Part of the beauty of camping is living simply and doing without the things you're used to having available to you... And enjoying it.

I vow that I'll try and make it to a few more camping trips this summer.

I hope this will be an unforgettable summer because I'll be honest...

The last few have sucked.

Summers are supposed to be full of epic adventures and grand memories.... Good friends and late nights.... Sunny days at the pool and snow cones...

I want this simmer to bring these things and a lot of good memories :]

I need these.

If anybody wants to buy me these Toms,

I would be completely okay with it!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

Loooooovee them! :]

I really enjoy the fact that Toms gives a pair of shoes to a child who needs them for every pair bought.

It's nice to know that there are still companies and organizations in the world that are trying to do good things and make a difference for someone in need.

All the more reason to buy them!

Today...

Today... was not my  day.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

"It's not the load that breaks you down...

 

 It's the way you carry it."

-Lena Horne

Finally a day off tomorrow... It's much needed.