The Old Me

[Day 05- A photo of yourself two years ago]

This is Christine and me on my 18th birthday. Best birthday ever. We stayed up all night and went to Denny's for an early 5 AM breakfast, then hung out with fun friends the rest of the night.

I miss by blonde hair.

Sometimes I think I was a better person back then. Sometimes I think I've come a long way, other times I feel like I'm going in the opposite direction that I want to be going.

I guess that's part of growing up...

Adventure Time

So I've been on a couple fun little outings the last couple days...

First stop: Sundance Resort.
I've been up Sundance Canyon a million times, but never stopped at the resort. My daddy and I were heading up there to do some work on the cabin so we stopped at the resort along the way. We walked around outside and inside the gift shop and deli. Oh how I love some fresh mountain air.

This poor tree had ice an inch thick around its entire trunk...

I felt so bad for it :[

Second Stop: Mine Shafts in Elberta, Utah.

I was taken on quite the adventure with Trent, Zach, Wacey, and Natalie. We filled 2-liter bottles with gasoline and lit gasoline-soaked rags on fire and dropped them down a mine shaft over a mile long. When the hit the bottom they blew up and lit the coal down there on fire. Way awesome.

It was so scary walking across these bars with nothing under us for a mile!

They were joking about how this is the hole to drop dead bodies down... Eww.

It's cooler in person and we could feel the heat come back up.

Fun times :]

I Love My Frenz...

[Day 04- Your favorite photo of your best friend]

Meet: Trenton Grant Edwards.

This is my favorite photo of Trent. It was an accidentally documented moment while Ghost Hunting. He definitely wasn't expecting a picture to be taken! I laugh every time I see this.

This kid here is such a great person. He helps me look at situations from another point of view and I sometimes come to find that he's right. Not always, but sometimes :] He's been there for me when no one else was. I can't even count how many times he's taken me on a drive when I needed to vent about the same situation yet again... He listened to the same thing for six months... And the best part? He listened EVERY time. He helped me get through it. I wouldn't be okay if it weren't for him. We have had some great times and the most memorable experiences that come to mind are those from Ghost Hunting. We once spent an hour in the Salt Lake Cemetery (in late October, three inches of snow on the ground, with no jacket I might add...) all because we were looking for a specific tombstone... That we DIDN'T ever find... We have also been in a few abandoned, extremely creepy houses. Springville Cemetery, Kiwanis Park, and a number of other haunted places have been added to our list of attractions that we were crazy enough to check out. We have ditched the cops, heard rats in the roof and felt weird spirits around us that made us bail like scared little kids. We're lucky we survived. Trent will always be my best friend!

Friend Numero Dos...

Meet: Jordan Carl Martin Makin.

Yes, He has four names. This is a typical Jordan Carl Martin Makin photo...

This kid is a riot! Defiantly one of the wittiest, most entertaining people I know! He has recently gotten me through some extremely hard days just by being my friend. He'll talk to me til he makes me laugh and I'm cheered up. Our mutual love (okay... addiction...) for Diet Coke doesn't hurt our friendship either... We have had many great conversations over a DC on the rocks. I will be forever grateful to him! Also, I have seen a few of the BEST and a few of the WORST movies ever because of him... Thanks, for sharing Splice with me... My life is officially ruined.

Other honorable mentions include...

Derek Carter:

The kid who looks SO RAD in a leather jacket. He loves Anberlin. Also, Splice is honestly partly YOUR FAULT! You and jordan chose it together... I will never understand why you both agreed to it.

Stacie Garrett:

This girl is a doll. She is BEAUTIFUL inside and out. She has a huge heart and is willing to do anything for the people she cares about. She has been through so much and I'm so happy for her that things are starting to look up. She deserves it! I will always be grateful for the support and encouragement she has given me.

Krista Jenkins: She is the wisest woman I know. She has been another-mother figure to me and has offered very wise and helpful advice over the last couple years that I have greatly needed to hear. I'm grateful to work with her and have the chance to see her so often!

Christine Hadlock:

Isn't she beautiful??

You are the reason I survived my senior year of high school. I started out the year in a rough place and you came to my rescue and made it the best year of school I ever had! I miss you and your family more than you will ever know. We had so many ridiculous but AMAZING fun times together! I hope you get everything you wished for.

The Awakening

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

-how you should look and how much you should weigh
-what you should wear and where you should shop
-where you should live or what type of car you should drive
-who you should sleep with and how you should behave
- who you should marry and why you should stay
-the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s okay... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly okay and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. And you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of "God"... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time fear itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, you learn about money... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you fake a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my God to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: “You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.”

My God has never failed me.

-Sonny Carroll

 

My Take on Dating: It Sucks.

[03- Your idea of the perfect first date]

Once upon a time there was a pretty awesome guy that took me on one of the best first dates. On our first date we went snorkeling at The Crater in Midway. The Crater is a beehive shaped dome rock with 90+ degree water. They offer Scuba Diving lessons as well and we watched them dive 55 feet below surface into the pitch black depths of the crater. Someday, I'm getting scuba-certified.

There is a hole at the top to let in sunlight and fresh air but the mineral water keeps its interior warm.

After we were finished snorkeling we went to Maglebys for a delicious dinner.

Chicken Parmesan Pasta. So good.

Theennn... We went and saw Kung Fu Panda.

______________________________________________

Another fun first date would be a sweet concert...

That's Jared Leto of Thirty Seconds to Mars. I'm in love with him by the way.

He has an amazing voice and puts on such an awesome show.

Light Show

Passion Pit at In The Venue

Passion Pit

Jack Johnson

A good first date should be filled with quality conversation and none of those lame awkward silences that make you want to go home and watch Gilmore Girls with your pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream...

But what do I know? I don't even like dating. It's high on my list of "Top 10 Least Favorite Things". I seriously hate it. Someone always ends up getting hurt.

Who needs that?

I just like having fun with my lovely friends.

Peanut Butter Happiness

[Day 02- A photo of something you ate today]

This is basically all I ate today. Two meals of Peanut Butter Crunch. My mom says I eat too much cereal and drink too much milk and that I need to share... Or I'll have to start contributing to the milk/cereal fund.

I'm a kid. I live on cereal, and this one is definitely my favorite :]

THIS is what I call happiness in a bowl.

Day In The Life.

This is day 01 of my 30 day blog challenge... :]
[A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was]

Girl. 20 years old. Loves her friends, her family, and her job. Loves the outdoors. Loves music, art and books. In love with the beach. Wants to travel the world someday. Paris, New York City, Rome, Ireland, Fiji... Just a few places she'll eventually see. Loves LOVE. Loves kids and learning anything about Psychology, Health and Human Anatomy. Hates Math. Loves fashion and home decore. Wants summer to come back. LDS. Loves IKEA. Has dreams and goals and WILL reach them. Soon.

Today was one of the more boring days. My great friend, Jordan Carl Martin Makin is out of town. I'm quite jealous he spent the day in Disneyland! Hopefully he's having fun! I spent a while cleaning and organinzing my room and doing laundry. I went job hunting for a while and took a drive to clear my head and to enjoy the beautiful day that was so sunny with a gorgeous blue sky. I talked with a couple other lovely friends; Stacie, and my all-time best friend, Trent. Tomorrow Trent and I are going snowshoeing :] Adventure Time. I also watched the American Idol auditions. Just a day in the life. Tomorrow will be more fun!

For Me This Is Heaven

And this is what she said gets her through it:

"If I don't let myself be happy now then when?"

If not now, when?

Maybe, Maybe It's Just Not Your Year...?

NOT YOUR YEAR- THE WEEPIES

Scattered shadows on the wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long

Everyday it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
[[ Try harder, maybe, maybe this is not your year ]]

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There's a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
Living easy, getting kissed
While you wonder what else you're doing wrong

And Everyday it starts again
You cannot say if your happy
You keep trying to be
[[ Try harder, maybe, Maybe this is not your year ]]
This is not your year

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating, "Don't give up, don't give up..."

Scattered shadows on the wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions will stay and some will fade away
And everyday it starts again
Someday you'll say that you're happy
Keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe, maybe this is not your year
This is not your year no... It's just not your year