Festival of Colorzzz.

Well, this weekend was fun! Specifically Saturday--

Festival of COLORS!

Jordz, Derek, and I started out the lovely overcast morning at Kneaders for all-you-can-eat french toast. Oh how lovely it was! It's honestly the best french toast on this planet, and if  you've never had it, I advise you grab a friend or two and head down to your local Kneaders bakery and partake of the bless-ed goodness.

I promise, you wont regret it.

After breakfast, we hopped on the freeway and headed down to Spanish Fork to the Krishna temple... Don't worry, we didn't even get lost... NOT. We got SUPER lost. First of all, the GPS was telling us to drive, so we were following it's directions cause, well, isn't that what a GPS is for?? That's what I thought too... We were driving along a road and the GPS said, "Drive 1.4 miles then... Make a U-turn."

"What the eefffff??", Derek and I said basically simultaneously.

By this point, we were in Payson. Definitely not where we should have been. We found the freeway and got back to Spanish Fork, then the GPS led us to some random spot by the mountains that had absolutely NOTHING.. We pulled off to the side of the road to call Alex and figure out where we were supposed to go. Before we knew it, four other cars had pulled off behind us. They were ALL lost... All their GPS's led them to that location... Phew, at least it wasn't just us! We eventually found the temple after what felt like forever. We met up with Alex and his other friends that were with him and the party started!

I've never been part of a disaster like that in my life!

BUT, it was so much fun. The weather was cool, perfect temperature, and everyone was nice and there to just have fun! No douchebags that were shoving and being jerks like at concerts.

Krishna Temple, up on the hill.

This was like a tenth of the people, I swear.

This was before we were completely covered.

Jordz.

D-rock.

Home, after the festivities. My mother told me to not touch a thing.

That was the sweetest, most colorful shower ever!

PS- I HAVE BLONDE HAAAAIIRRRR AGAIN!! :]

But, the pink from Color Festival wont come out... I'll give it a few days to see if it fades... If not, I'll be getting my hair done again. Poop. I'm not made of money! Good thing it was worth it!

hyunvjxfhilsh

nkmzcshjrkheryuaiefhb,skjdzshfijsahurfolhxjdfkzdsyi

ohjkfx,hkjlhzrwjbvx.cjghbncnfjkhresnxfhvl.ckjerlath

vxbfklarhyewjkcvx.dbgfskzxcvhzjvmbvhjbv,mfxvx!

That's how I feel about this whole entire day!

Luckily I have a Skype date later with Mari who is in Argentina :]

Can't wait to see and talk to her!

A Reason.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the way things used to be...

But then I think about everything I had to go through to get HERE...

And I remember that I've been blessed with amazing people in my life...

And there's a reason why it's NOT the way it used to be.

The Battle has been Conquered.

Sometimes pain becomes a huge part of your life, that you expect it to always be there... Because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't...

But then one day you feel something else-- Something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar...

And in that moment you realize... You're Happy.

Today, I realized that being happy isn't entirely impossible for myself... Two months ago you would have never heard that come out of my mouth. I learned very quickly that the Lord really does answer prayers. It's amazing to me how quickly I got my answer. I am incredibly blessed.

I can finally HONESTLY say that I KNOW I'm going to be okay. I feel like I've come so close to the end of this ten-month battle... And I came out a warrior. I'm stronger now than I was going into the fight. I hurt, I cried, and I fought... But I learned. A lot.

I have learned to accept and be content with where I'm at in life. I'm taking it one day at a time. I have my friends, I have my family... And when I don't have them, I have myself.

I'm enough for myself.

Life can be pretty great sometimes. Thanks to all who helped me get to this point and made me who I am today. Couldn't have done it without you :]

trenton grant edwards

It's been a very busy last couple of days and I haven't had the time to post about something

VERY IMPORTANT...

My BFF's birthday!

Trenton Grant Edwards; Born March 14, 1990

{This is a classic Gangsta-Trent photo...}

Things I love about this boy & some memories:

-He's super chill.

-We have a lot of similar views and see eye to eye on a lot of random topics.

-We have suffered through Kava parties together.

-Ghost hunting is our favorite past time.

{Ohh emm geee... Ghost droppings...}

{He's the BEST ghost hunting partner!}

-We have been on more drives together than you could imagine, and it's fun every time!

-We went to Gay Pride together. Yikes.

-He's such a great friend-- He got me through some really difficult things in my life just by listening and being there when I needed him. Poor kid listened to the same crap for like six months and was okay with it! {I think?? Haha}

-He comes from such an awesome family. His parents are so bomb and raised him well!

-He's a hard worker-- At everything! He works everyday, he was going to school full time [Before he graduated and became a certified MA, which I'm proud of him for!] and he usually goes to the gym everyday! Gettin' those ripped muscles for the ladies :]

-He still goes to math class {which I know he hates} but still passes and makes it look easy!

-He has really good taste in movies. Like, REALLY good. Every movie we've watched has been fabulous! He showed me one of my now all-time favorites Into the Wild.

We be Christopher Mccandless fans :]

-He's always down to go to a random local show with me. So fun.

-He also has great taste in music. He's introduced me to some favs... Especially Band of Horses! Where would I be without the Horses? {There have been so many others as well.}

-He's capable of loving someone. I watched him love a girl and get his heart broken, over and over... But he's stayed strong in the face of it all which kinda gives me hope for myself... If he can do it, so can I!

{PS- I don't recommend breaking his heart... Cause it makes me want to beat your #*%!$&@* and kill you-- Which you really don't want.}

-I enjoy the fact that he's a great photographer!

{One of our favorite ghost hunting locations}

I'm sad I don't have copies of some of my favorites of his work to share... They're on his computer...

They're fabulous tho, and he's made really sweet canvas prints of a few.

Someday I'll share :]

-He can still hold a good conversation with me when he's gaming... Which is rare for a guy!

-We have a mutual love for cereal and eat it together often.

-He's bad ass enough to get a motorcycle. {Not purchased yet, but he's been looking!}

-He's the only guy I've ever been BFF's with that will sit and talk on the phone with me for an hour.

-He lets me wear his Indian pancho when I'm feeling a bit under the weather.

-He spends Halloween with me and my broken heart, complete with getting stopped and questioned by the cops. He always plays it cool.

-He's a good guy. He's ALWAYS had my back and has said the things I needed to hear.

I'm lucky that things worked out the way they did so that I could have Trent as my fabulous friend!

He's been amazing and I just looooooovee him!

Happie Happie Birthday!

♥ ♥ ♥

Thoughts.

These are my thoughts right now:

-Today was a useless day. I never even got ready.
-I still feel like crap even though I slept most of the day.
-I'm annoyed with so many things right now.
-Boys are retarded.
-I need a punching bag.
-Actually, I need to go for a long run... Far, far away.
-Best friends "forever" is crap. It doesn't mean anything.
-I need a vacation. Somewhere really fun where I can forget things just for a while.
-I hope I get this job. I'd be rich.
-I've been cleaning my room all night and I can't even tell yet. That's how bad it was.
-I don't want to get up at 5 freakin AM tomorrow to work.
-But, I'm glad I get to leave when the store actually opens.
-Hopefully I get off on time cause I want all you can eat french toast from Kneaders with Jordz.
-Daylight savings is stupid.
-I need to check if my gym pass is still good. I should have checked three months ago.
-I need to get skinny. REALLY skinny. And fast.
-I wish I were back in school.
-It makes me sad when people die on TV shows.
-I'm obsessed with the music from One Tree Hill. It's so good.
-I wish I could breathe out of my nose.
-I hope tomorrow is a nice day.
-Tomorrow is Trents birthday.
-I got him a weird gift. But he'll probably like it.
-I'm still annoyed. This vent sesh didn't do much good.
-I quit.
-Then end.

The days Events...

Today... was an eventful day.

First of all, it's 3/11/11.... 311... DUH.

{Sweet Pic}

Next, the Japan disaster is just horrifying. It makes me so sad to watch the news and hear the updates. It absolutely breaks my heart. Hopes and prayers go out to everyone who has been effected. Also, prayers go out to those who are working their butts off to deliver aid and support during this tragic time.

{soooo sad}

[[ I had a fabulous interview this morning full of positive news.

Cross your fingers and your toesies for me!! ]]

Then, I went shopping today. The 'rents gave me a hundred and fifty buckaroos from their tax return for me to spend on "ANYTHING, but bills or gas". (My mothers words... Not mine. But I'm NOT complaining!) Thanks Mom & Dad!

Finally, I got to see my BFF, Trent today. We went to a wedding receptions which was lovely. Everything was beautiful. Then we went for a short drive and chatted... Caught up on life. Then he showed me the motorcycle he wants. It's sweet.

Then I took little brother to dinner because he had a bit of a rough night. I figured I'd be a good big sis and try to cheer him up. Hopefully it helped...?

Today, I felt like I grew up a little bit.

It's a good feeling.

It's positive.

I still miss some frenz terribly.

 I feel like I haven't spent much time with anyone lately since I've been working and sick.

Mostly I worry about Japan. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Also my Old friend, Hope and Brett Ovard... Whos baby boy that was just born is now at Primary Childrens Hospital undergoing surgeries.

This is her update: 

  

"So Gage has what's called a diaphragmatic hernia. Today they did surgery to close the hernia. When they went in to repair things they had to take his spleen, part of his stomach, and his small and large intestines out of his left chest cavity and put things back in place. They left the wound open so that his abdomen can adjust to having the organs in the right place and they will close it next Tuesday or Wednesday. Looking at the x-Ray he has a left lung and it fills the entire cavity (the nurse said usually with this problem you don't see that much lung), so right now things are looking good, it'll still be a long recovery so primary childrens will be our new home for the next month (or months). Thanks for all the prayers they have truly been felt."

{Pray for their little bundle of joy}

Blahhh.

I am praying to the Gods of sickness that they CHILL OUT and stop making me so sick.

Also, that they magically heal my stupid stuffy nose so I can breathe. 

I need adequate oxygen to stay alive and I'm afraid I'm not getting a sufficient amount. 

Tomorrow is important and I need to be healthy!

I have seven hours to get better.

marksetgo.

The Road is Long and in The End... The Journey is the Destination

Sometimes I sit in a quiet room and ponder to myself if some of the decisions I have made have been the right ones. I wonder if the direction my life has taken me really is for the best. Pictures spark old memories; Some happy, some sad... Some make me wonder what could have been.

What if I hadn't pushed that boy away? Would it be me that he's so happy in love with now?

He's a better guy that what I realized at the time.

What if I gave one last burst of effort to fight for a friendship that was slipping through the cracks?

Would we still be best friends? Would it still be me and her against the world?

What if I said I was sorry? What if we took the time to work out our differences?

Would he still be alive?

Would I be able to tell him that I've changed? That I'm not the same person I used to be?

Would he be proud of me?

Are the words that are printed so clearly, so plain as day on that sheet of paper true?

Have I made a difference in someones life? Do my friends know I'm there for them? Do they know I care and support them, and would do anything for them? Or am I just an average friend to them?

Is it partially my fault that my sister and I aren't as close as we used to be? Does she know that I wish we could go back to the way it used to be when we'd actually spend time together and have things to talk about?

If I would have gone to church more in the past couple years, would I still have had to fight through the last ten months of my life? Am I only hurting myself?

I'm hoping I can find the answers to most of these questions at some point in my life.

Some, I don't think I'll know the answers to until I'm graced with the presence on my Heavenly Father.

Mark my words, I'll be asking a lot of questions. I sure hope He's ready for it.

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair... remember, it's only in the black of night you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for... Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined... Who knows where life will take you.

The road is long and in the end... the journey is the destination.

Moments that Matter...

Justice is my second home.

Literally.

I love my job. I love meeting all these adorable girls everyday and helping them feel special and having a splendid time with them.

Nothing is better than seeing an electrified smile spring across her face when she finds the perfect outfit, the perfect accessory, or when she's wished a "Happy Birthday" on her special day.

One of my fondest memories over the past three years I have been there has to be sometime within the first year I was there. I had gone through some major, but greatly needed changes in my life and was figuring some things out. I stepped up my game and let the adorable girls heal my broken heart. One evening I was working when two girls (probably around ages six and eight?) came in with their mother. We had fun picking out outfits, accessories, shoes and fun things. They danced to the music and showed off their treasures they had found that they got to take home. As  they were leaving I walked with them to the door to say goodbye and the girls both gave me the biggest, loving hugs. They were thrilled from the bottom of their heart that I took the time to have fun with them. That's when I knew I loved my job. Since then, I've had my share of ups and downs... Good days and bad days... But I still can honestly say that I enjoy my job. That's not the most common of statements to hear these days. I am one of the few lucky ones.

Considering where I work, I love me some tweeny-bop music...

I hear it all day long, everyday.

It's become a part of me.

It's fun, happy, upbeat...

Yes, I love Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, Selina Gomez and Demi Lavatto... And yes, it's ALL on my iPod.

As I was driving home from work the other day, my pod was on shuffle. A Corbin Bleu song came on titled,

Moments that Matter. 

Naturally, I left it on and listened to it.

Part of the song goes like so:

Keep those you love close to you
Cause when it gets tough, they'll help you pull through
No, don't let anybody take your moment from you
Because that's all that matters in the end
That's all that matters...

Cause I figured out these are the moments that matter, matter
And I figured out, that these are the moments that mean the most to me
Cause I know I got

friends

trust

family

and love

All around me, that should be enough
And I figured out that these are the moments that matter, matter to me...

Then I stopped to think about my amazing family and friends. They're always there, they're always loving, and I felt honored to be blessed with so many great people in my life. 

Sure, I have my hard days. I struggle and I hurt... But I fight through the pain and the crap that's pulling me down because that's the only choice I have. Eventually, it will pass...

It is but a small moment in time-- Less than a split second in the eternal perspective.  

I'm learning to love myself and I'm learning to love everything about my life, whether it be joyous or difficult.

"Remember, this is now. Live it, feel it, cling to it.

I want to become acutely aware of all I've taken for granted..."

-Sylvia Plath

This Weekend...

This weekend is a big deal.

I get my taxes back on Friday and oh how lovely it will be.

1,900 dollars. That's right.

This is what I will do...

Get my Arcade Fire ticket.

New Moccasins.

Go see Justin Bieber.

Go to dinner with Krista.

Maybe get Lady Gaga ticket? Haven't decided..

Pay my entire phone bill. (150 dollars... blah :[  kill me now.)

Pay Grandparents back for when they made my car payment last summer.

Pay off Best Buy credit card.

Anything left over is going to other bills.

It will be nice to be almost completely debt free.

(Besides my car, of course.)

A Dream is a Wish your Heart makes... Or NOT...??

I had the weirdest dream of my life last night.

It was the same dream all night long for ten hours...

Yes, I slept for ten hours last night... No, my voice is still gone.

Every time I woke up, I'd fall back asleep and the dream would pick up where we left off.

It was honestly so weird that I can't even explain it.

All I can explain is that a bunch of us were being held hostage for some reason by this crazy bear-monster guy.

Why? I don't have a clue. 

Also, I've had MANY weird dreams about my tongue in my lifetime.

It was incorporated into this dream last night...

I don't understand the symbolism of the tongue...?

The only other things I remember are...

The sweet & sour button candies.

Josh having fang teeth.

Listening to a Marilyn Monroe record on vinyl.

Meeting my future boyfriend/husband.

The crazy tongue part.

The animals we knew and their children who ate raw egg for food.

The look on his face when he heard his crying child.

The giant cabin.

The monster in the ceiling tiles.

Yeah my brain is freakin messed up.

Imagine this dream if I were on Ambien last night...

Wow.

I thought you packed the toilet paper...

I left the bathroom window open as I was showering this afternoon since it was a fairly nice day today. When I got out, I could hear the neighbor boys riding their 4-wheelers in the dirt field behind my house. the combination of the fresh, almost-spring air and the sound of racing ATV's really made me want summer. BAD. I can't wait to go on some eventful camping trips... Either with family or with friends.

I miss camping.

I feel like it's been forever since I've been able to go.

I miss the fresh mountain air.

I miss crazy fast ATV rides.

I miss the ghetto old green tent that basically a million people can fit into.

I miss the clanking sound of the tea kettle as my daddy boils water for the hot cocoa every morning.

I miss how food always tastes so much better when cooked over a fire.

I miss being able to enjoy the sunrise.

I miss a good long hike.

I miss Jiffy pop and the endless junk food that's available 24 hours a day.

I miss being without a phone for a few days... No texts, tweets, emails or Facebook...

I miss going on nature walks and feeling thankful for our beautiful earth.

I miss the warm cozy feeling of nestling down into a warm flannel sleeping bag,

even if the night air is chilly.

I miss how grandma forgot the Ketchup.

I miss star gazing in the crisp night air, and counting my blessings because God knows I have so much to be thankful for.

I miss campfire songs and ghost stories.

I miss panicking about the thought of bear coming into camp.

I miss the crickets in the evening and the singing birds in the morning.

I miss the huge fires my dad can build in point two seconds.

I miss it all.

Part of the beauty of camping is living simply and doing without the things you're used to having available to you... And enjoying it.

I vow that I'll try and make it to a few more camping trips this summer.

I hope this will be an unforgettable summer because I'll be honest...

The last few have sucked.

Summers are supposed to be full of epic adventures and grand memories.... Good friends and late nights.... Sunny days at the pool and snow cones...

I want this simmer to bring these things and a lot of good memories :]

I need these.

If anybody wants to buy me these Toms,

I would be completely okay with it!

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

Loooooovee them! :]

I really enjoy the fact that Toms gives a pair of shoes to a child who needs them for every pair bought.

It's nice to know that there are still companies and organizations in the world that are trying to do good things and make a difference for someone in need.

All the more reason to buy them!

Today...

Today... was not my  day.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

"It's not the load that breaks you down...

 

 It's the way you carry it."

-Lena Horne

Finally a day off tomorrow... It's much needed.