Sometimes I sit in a quiet room and ponder to myself if some of the decisions I have made have been the right ones. I wonder if the direction my life has taken me really is for the best. Pictures spark old memories; Some happy, some sad... Some make me wonder what could have been.
What if I hadn't pushed that boy away? Would it be me that he's so happy in love with now?
He's a better guy that what I realized at the time.
What if I gave one last burst of effort to fight for a friendship that was slipping through the cracks?
Would we still be best friends? Would it still be me and her against the world?
What if I said I was sorry? What if we took the time to work out our differences?
Would he still be alive?
Would I be able to tell him that I've changed? That I'm not the same person I used to be?
Would he be proud of me?
Are the words that are printed so clearly, so plain as day on that sheet of paper true?
Have I made a difference in someones life? Do my friends know I'm there for them? Do they know I care and support them, and would do anything for them? Or am I just an average friend to them?
Is it partially my fault that my sister and I aren't as close as we used to be? Does she know that I wish we could go back to the way it used to be when we'd actually spend time together and have things to talk about?
If I would have gone to church more in the past couple years, would I still have had to fight through the last ten months of my life? Am I only hurting myself?
I'm hoping I can find the answers to most of these questions at some point in my life.
Some, I don't think I'll know the answers to until I'm graced with the presence on my Heavenly Father.
Mark my words, I'll be asking a lot of questions. I sure hope He's ready for it.
The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair... remember, it's only in the black of night you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for... Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined... Who knows where life will take you.
The road is long and in the end... the journey is the destination.