Friday, April 15, 2011

Growing Pains

You know that dull, throbbing pain you would have as a child in your leg, or your knees?

Growing pains.

Sometimes you would wake up in the morning sore, because your body had been growing all night.
You grew out of  your clothes faster than your parents could buy you new ones that would fit you...
Sometimes that's how I feel about life.

There are days when I think I can literally feel my mind, heart, and soul growing...
It's part of growing up. And the worst part is...
Sometimes it REALLY hurts. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm emotionally or intellectually sore from constantly taking in the growing pains of life.
Sometimes I wonder why my heart is still beating after everything it's been through.
Sometimes I feel like a fighter... A warrior...
Sometimes I feel like a failure.
An unconquered success.

Sometimes I fear loosing the best things in my life--
The best people in my life.
Cause lets face it- I've already lost some.

I worry that some people were just placed into this part of my life for a purpose and they too, will soon be gone...
That they will move on with their own journey in life.

I fear the feeling of realization that it was partially (sometimes mostly, sometimes all) my fault that I lost the ones I already lost.
I fear having to take a step back and realizing the mistakes I've made with people... The disappointments I've caused.
I fear accepting the fact that sometimes, people aren't meant to stay in your life forever... That someday, I will loose them or will be forced to let them slip away.

I fear being completely honest with people.
I fear that I wont ever find the one person that I can tell absolutely EVERYTHING to.
I fear having to accept the fact that I'm difficult to want to take a chance on.
I fear that I'll never find the missing puzzle pieces of my own self.

It scares me.
Life scares me.
Growing up scares me.

But somehow... My heart is still beating...

I'm still alive.

That's gotta mean something...


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