The Magic of Disney

This is the most adorable thing

I have ever seen...

Someday, I hope to have a beautiful daughter

like this little girl...

so I can take her to Disneyland and

get a photo just like this.

I'm in love with this.

This I Vow...

LOVE (noun, verb)
1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. Sexual passion or desire.

4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

 

MARRIAGE (noun)

1. The social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.

 

DIVORCE (noun, verb)

1. A judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations.

2. The dissolution of marriage.

 

 

Here are three things I'm terrified of.

I have tried to be open to the idea of love, and finding the "perfect" person... But It doesn't get me far. I look at the examples around me and I think to myself, "It's no wonder that love and marriages scare the hell out of me... My most influential examples all have failing marriages."

So I've given up hope. Most marriages these days seem to be ending in divorce. It's awful... It's hard on hearts and it's hard on the kids if there are any involved. I don't want to be another person that's part of the divorce statistic. I don't want to be another person with a broken heart because my spouse ended up being a completely different person than the one I fell in love with in the first place.

The only thing I ever wanted was one of those ridiculous love story, head-over-heels, full on fireworks kind of love...

But it doesn't exist. Especially not like in the movies.

 

 

Guys don't really chase girls down and pour their heart out, right when he's just about to never see her again...

 

Guys don't really jump on a last minute flight to tell a girl he's in love with her and needs to be with her...

Guys don't really kiss the crap out of their girl in a full on rainstorm...

Guys don't really look at girls like this...

 

 

Guys don't really say things like this...

Love like this doesn't happen...

 

 

Epic love stories don't really exist.

 

So, I vow to never get married. Ever.

Strength.

I can honestly say that I never knew the true definition of strength until I watched 127 Hours...

Ya know, the story about the mountaineer who slipped and got his arm pinned under a rock...

He was forced to choose death or to fight and get out alive.

He chose to fight.

No water, no food, drinking his own pee to stay alive, he cut his own arm off and got himself out of the canyon.

That kind of strength is only found within an extremely strong individual. Strong, deep down.

I don't think I would ever have that strength.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that I'd probably give up real quick.

Someday I hope that I can be the kind of person who can find that strength.

I cant believe I went this long without seeing this movie. Sure, I wanted to see it ever since it came out but I never did anything about seeing it. I highly recommend you Redbox it if you haven't seen it yet. I promise you won't be disappointed.

 The autobiography, Between a Rock and a Hard Place was was written after Ralston's experience.

You bet I'm gonna go pick up a copy of it Monday morning.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."

My mom always says, "I guarantee if you put your problems in a bowl with everyone elses... You'd choose to take yours back out and just deal with it."

I'm thankful I've never had to cut my own arm off.

I normally wouldn't have stopped to think that that was ever a blessing...

but it is.

Growing Pains

You know that dull, throbbing pain you would have as a child in your leg, or your knees?

Growing pains.

Sometimes you would wake up in the morning sore, because your body had been growing all night.

You grew out of  your clothes faster than your parents could buy you new ones that would fit you...

Sometimes that's how I feel about life.

There are days when I think I can literally feel my mind, heart, and soul growing...

It's part of growing up. And the worst part is...

Sometimes it REALLY hurts. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm emotionally or intellectually sore from constantly taking in the growing pains of life.

Sometimes I wonder why my heart is still beating after everything it's been through.

Sometimes I feel like a fighter... A warrior...

Sometimes I feel like a failure.

An unconquered success.

Sometimes I fear loosing the best things in my life--

The best people in my life.

Cause lets face it- I've already lost some.

I worry that some people were just placed into this part of my life for a purpose and they too, will soon be gone...

That they will move on with their own journey in life.

I fear the feeling of realization that it was partially (sometimes mostly, sometimes all) my fault that I lost the ones I already lost.

I fear having to take a step back and realizing the mistakes I've made with people... The disappointments I've caused.

I fear accepting the fact that sometimes, people aren't meant to stay in your life forever... That someday, I will loose them or will be forced to let them slip away.

I fear being completely honest with people.

I fear that I wont ever find the one person that I can tell absolutely EVERYTHING to.

I fear having to accept the fact that I'm difficult to want to take a chance on.

I fear that I'll never find the missing puzzle pieces of my own self.

It scares me.

Life scares me.

Growing up scares me.

But somehow... My heart is still beating...

I'm still alive.

That's gotta mean something...

Right?

The Mother of Pet Peeves

Today, luck wasn't exactly on my side. I kinda sorta got lost in Salt Lake... I called my mom, almost in tears because my GPS wasn't working and I couldn't figure out how to get where I was going- (Precisely why I need a functional GPS). She calmed me down but told me to call my dad at work because he knows the area better than she does. I called my pops and he explained directions to me and helped me figure out where I needed to be. It was a pathetic situation but hey, it sucked. I've never been super good at directions and easily get lost in unfamiliar territory, then I panic if I'm alone. Who cares if you're lost with friends? It makes for an interesting adventure. But when you're lost alone... It's super frustrating.

After I finished the things I needed to do, I was ready to head home... But by then I had a serious case of road rage because I was flustered and annoyed that so much time was wasted... Did I mention by this point, it was rush hour? Yeah, rush hour in Salt Lake can kiss my butt. It sucks. Rush hour plus ridiculous, retarded drivers causes even worse road rage. My bestie, Jordz recently wrote a post about one of his biggest pet peeves. (You can read all about it here.) The stupid drivers situation qualifies as one of my top five biggest pet peeves. Okay fine. It's my number one pet peeve.

So I'm here today to lay down the rules of driving. Things must change on the road if everyone in Utah would like to live. Or else you might see this a few times... And then I'll kill you :]

Here are my issues, in no particular order.

When Driving on the Freeway:

[1] DON'T break... Unless of course you're in serious danger of ramming into someone. If you notice that you're starting to catch up to the car in front of you, either change lanes to keep your speed, or let off the gas until your pace slows and you're consistent with the car ahead.

[2] Never go under 70 mph on the freeway... (When it's not too backed up of course.) No one likes driving behind you at 50 MPH in the fast lane! If I wanted to go 50 MPH, I'd take state street! The freeway is for fast people.

[3] Always use your blinker when changing lanes. The freeway moves fast enough (or should at least) so people need to be aware of what you are doing. PS- When you see someone elses blinker... LET THEM THE FREAK OVER! I promise it will NOT kill you to let a car merge in front of you... okay?? No one likes to miss their exit and have to back track, or get stuck behind a slow driver because you won't let them in front of you to pass them.

[4] If you switch lanes, you sure as hell better be going as fast, or faster than the car coming up behind you. Are you TRYING to kill someone?? No one should have to slam on their breaks cause you move your butt over and go too slow.

[5] Don't drive in the carpool lane if you don't have other passengers with you. It defeats the purpose. Jerk. No... Diego DOESN'T COUNT AS ANOTHER HUMAN!

[6] Don't tail people on the freeway. It's scary and dangerous.

When Making a Left Hand Turn:

Turn wide enough so that you don't have to break to avoid clipping the front end of the car that is making their own left turn. PS- If you're the "other" car, stop a bit further back behind the line so there is plenty of room for the car that is turning.

When Making a right Hand Turn:

[1] Don't turn on a red light unless you know for sure you won't cut the cars off coming from the other direction.

[2] When taking a right, pull as far over as you can so that the cars behind you don't have to break down to a measly five miles per hour and wait for you to turn your fat, children-filled suburbans.

When You're Old:

On your 60th birthday, you should be re-evaluated to see if you should still be aloud to drive. 60 seems to be about the average age that old people start to piss me off on the road. Seriously Gramps, the younger generations don't have time to wait on your slow-poke butts to figure out what you're doing.

Note: Re-evaluations should take place every year after the age of 60.

When You're Young:

Dear 15 year olds, you better complete your 80 hours of driving practice with your parents for REALS. None of this lying, fake signature crap... Because people can't handle your immature, mindless driving. When you finally turn 16, chill out. I know it's fun to start driving but do it safely, and pay attention to what you're doing and be aware of the other cars around you. Plus, don't text and drive til you can handle JUST driving first. (No, I'm not saying it's okay to text and drive... But we pretty much all do it. Just don't try and handle it when you know you can't.)

Other Situatuons and Thoughts to Take Account of:

[1] We all check our phones, send texts or search for a new song on our iPods when sitting at red lights... But pay attention to when it turns green so you don't hold everyone up. It's annoying.

[2] Turn your headlights on during a storm. Duh...

And at night... You look like an idiot driving around at night with your lights off... How do you not notice??

[3] The fast lane (left lane) is for FAST people. Don't drive in it if you're not going to drive fast. Move your butt all the way to the right. 

[4] Don't stare at me at red lights. Its awkward and annoying.

[5] You don't have to punch it when the light turns green so you can beat me... I'm not trying to race you and quite frankly, I don't care if you're ahead of me.

[6] Don't talk on your cell if its going to distract you from the road. (I feel like this mostly applies to middle-aged people and older... Teens and young adults seem to be able to multi-task in this area at a decent level.)

Alright, well I feel a bit better now that I've gotten that off my chest.

What are your biggest pet peeves when behind the wheel??

Comment and tell me your peeves and your crazy driving stories!

Because they do.

Take a look at yourself in a mirror.

Who do you see looking back?

Is it the person you want to be?

Or is there someone else you were meant to be?

The person you should have been, but fell short of.

Is someone telling you you can't, or you wont?

Because you can.

Believe that love is out there.

Believe that dreams come true everyday, because they do.

Happiness doesn't some from money, or fame, or power...

Happiness comes from good friends, and family,

and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life.

So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy...

Because you deserve to be happy.

And believe that dreams come true everyday...

Because they do.

Fact.

Fact. I pretty much never blog anymore... And it sort of depresses me.
Fact. I'm so effing exhausted right now its not even funny. I don't even know why I'm blogging. I should be sleeping.
Fact. Ten hour work days suuuuckk. Especially THIS ten hour work day. It was as bad as back-to-school time... Every woman and ALL their children and sisters and nieces and nephews and friends and kids friends and neighbors and cousins and strangers decided to shop at Justice today... (catch my drift?) 
NOT KIDDING. Holy efffff. Men, stop going to conference priesthood sessions and control your wives shopping sprees! JK... Priesthood is a great thing, keep going :]
Fact. I'm starving.
Fact. My Diet Coke sucked today. Total let down.
Fact. My room is the biggest disaster it's been in a long time! I literally am going to wash all my clothes cause I'm not sure whats clean or dirty anymore.
Fact. I'm a blessed young soul. And I'm thankful.
Fact. I'm so glad to have my car back and all fixed up. It's pretty.
Fact. I LOVE Justin Bieber. Like, a lot... A LOT.
Fact. It really makes me sad to see my sister change so much. I feel like I don't know her anymore... I don't even remember the last time we spoke.
Fact. I'm still sooo happy my hair is back to blonde-ish :]
Fact. I'm going to find food now, clean my room for a bit, and hit the sack.

Peace hoe.

Festival of Colorzzz.

Well, this weekend was fun! Specifically Saturday--

Festival of COLORS!

Jordz, Derek, and I started out the lovely overcast morning at Kneaders for all-you-can-eat french toast. Oh how lovely it was! It's honestly the best french toast on this planet, and if  you've never had it, I advise you grab a friend or two and head down to your local Kneaders bakery and partake of the bless-ed goodness.

I promise, you wont regret it.

After breakfast, we hopped on the freeway and headed down to Spanish Fork to the Krishna temple... Don't worry, we didn't even get lost... NOT. We got SUPER lost. First of all, the GPS was telling us to drive, so we were following it's directions cause, well, isn't that what a GPS is for?? That's what I thought too... We were driving along a road and the GPS said, "Drive 1.4 miles then... Make a U-turn."

"What the eefffff??", Derek and I said basically simultaneously.

By this point, we were in Payson. Definitely not where we should have been. We found the freeway and got back to Spanish Fork, then the GPS led us to some random spot by the mountains that had absolutely NOTHING.. We pulled off to the side of the road to call Alex and figure out where we were supposed to go. Before we knew it, four other cars had pulled off behind us. They were ALL lost... All their GPS's led them to that location... Phew, at least it wasn't just us! We eventually found the temple after what felt like forever. We met up with Alex and his other friends that were with him and the party started!

I've never been part of a disaster like that in my life!

BUT, it was so much fun. The weather was cool, perfect temperature, and everyone was nice and there to just have fun! No douchebags that were shoving and being jerks like at concerts.

Krishna Temple, up on the hill.

This was like a tenth of the people, I swear.

This was before we were completely covered.

Jordz.

D-rock.

Home, after the festivities. My mother told me to not touch a thing.

That was the sweetest, most colorful shower ever!

PS- I HAVE BLONDE HAAAAIIRRRR AGAIN!! :]

But, the pink from Color Festival wont come out... I'll give it a few days to see if it fades... If not, I'll be getting my hair done again. Poop. I'm not made of money! Good thing it was worth it!

hyunvjxfhilsh

nkmzcshjrkheryuaiefhb,skjdzshfijsahurfolhxjdfkzdsyi

ohjkfx,hkjlhzrwjbvx.cjghbncnfjkhresnxfhvl.ckjerlath

vxbfklarhyewjkcvx.dbgfskzxcvhzjvmbvhjbv,mfxvx!

That's how I feel about this whole entire day!

Luckily I have a Skype date later with Mari who is in Argentina :]

Can't wait to see and talk to her!

A Reason.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the way things used to be...

But then I think about everything I had to go through to get HERE...

And I remember that I've been blessed with amazing people in my life...

And there's a reason why it's NOT the way it used to be.

The Battle has been Conquered.

Sometimes pain becomes a huge part of your life, that you expect it to always be there... Because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't...

But then one day you feel something else-- Something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar...

And in that moment you realize... You're Happy.

Today, I realized that being happy isn't entirely impossible for myself... Two months ago you would have never heard that come out of my mouth. I learned very quickly that the Lord really does answer prayers. It's amazing to me how quickly I got my answer. I am incredibly blessed.

I can finally HONESTLY say that I KNOW I'm going to be okay. I feel like I've come so close to the end of this ten-month battle... And I came out a warrior. I'm stronger now than I was going into the fight. I hurt, I cried, and I fought... But I learned. A lot.

I have learned to accept and be content with where I'm at in life. I'm taking it one day at a time. I have my friends, I have my family... And when I don't have them, I have myself.

I'm enough for myself.

Life can be pretty great sometimes. Thanks to all who helped me get to this point and made me who I am today. Couldn't have done it without you :]

trenton grant edwards

It's been a very busy last couple of days and I haven't had the time to post about something

VERY IMPORTANT...

My BFF's birthday!

Trenton Grant Edwards; Born March 14, 1990

{This is a classic Gangsta-Trent photo...}

Things I love about this boy & some memories:

-He's super chill.

-We have a lot of similar views and see eye to eye on a lot of random topics.

-We have suffered through Kava parties together.

-Ghost hunting is our favorite past time.

{Ohh emm geee... Ghost droppings...}

{He's the BEST ghost hunting partner!}

-We have been on more drives together than you could imagine, and it's fun every time!

-We went to Gay Pride together. Yikes.

-He's such a great friend-- He got me through some really difficult things in my life just by listening and being there when I needed him. Poor kid listened to the same crap for like six months and was okay with it! {I think?? Haha}

-He comes from such an awesome family. His parents are so bomb and raised him well!

-He's a hard worker-- At everything! He works everyday, he was going to school full time [Before he graduated and became a certified MA, which I'm proud of him for!] and he usually goes to the gym everyday! Gettin' those ripped muscles for the ladies :]

-He still goes to math class {which I know he hates} but still passes and makes it look easy!

-He has really good taste in movies. Like, REALLY good. Every movie we've watched has been fabulous! He showed me one of my now all-time favorites Into the Wild.

We be Christopher Mccandless fans :]

-He's always down to go to a random local show with me. So fun.

-He also has great taste in music. He's introduced me to some favs... Especially Band of Horses! Where would I be without the Horses? {There have been so many others as well.}

-He's capable of loving someone. I watched him love a girl and get his heart broken, over and over... But he's stayed strong in the face of it all which kinda gives me hope for myself... If he can do it, so can I!

{PS- I don't recommend breaking his heart... Cause it makes me want to beat your #*%!$&@* and kill you-- Which you really don't want.}

-I enjoy the fact that he's a great photographer!

{One of our favorite ghost hunting locations}

I'm sad I don't have copies of some of my favorites of his work to share... They're on his computer...

They're fabulous tho, and he's made really sweet canvas prints of a few.

Someday I'll share :]

-He can still hold a good conversation with me when he's gaming... Which is rare for a guy!

-We have a mutual love for cereal and eat it together often.

-He's bad ass enough to get a motorcycle. {Not purchased yet, but he's been looking!}

-He's the only guy I've ever been BFF's with that will sit and talk on the phone with me for an hour.

-He lets me wear his Indian pancho when I'm feeling a bit under the weather.

-He spends Halloween with me and my broken heart, complete with getting stopped and questioned by the cops. He always plays it cool.

-He's a good guy. He's ALWAYS had my back and has said the things I needed to hear.

I'm lucky that things worked out the way they did so that I could have Trent as my fabulous friend!

He's been amazing and I just looooooovee him!

Happie Happie Birthday!

♥ ♥ ♥

Thoughts.

These are my thoughts right now:

-Today was a useless day. I never even got ready.
-I still feel like crap even though I slept most of the day.
-I'm annoyed with so many things right now.
-Boys are retarded.
-I need a punching bag.
-Actually, I need to go for a long run... Far, far away.
-Best friends "forever" is crap. It doesn't mean anything.
-I need a vacation. Somewhere really fun where I can forget things just for a while.
-I hope I get this job. I'd be rich.
-I've been cleaning my room all night and I can't even tell yet. That's how bad it was.
-I don't want to get up at 5 freakin AM tomorrow to work.
-But, I'm glad I get to leave when the store actually opens.
-Hopefully I get off on time cause I want all you can eat french toast from Kneaders with Jordz.
-Daylight savings is stupid.
-I need to check if my gym pass is still good. I should have checked three months ago.
-I need to get skinny. REALLY skinny. And fast.
-I wish I were back in school.
-It makes me sad when people die on TV shows.
-I'm obsessed with the music from One Tree Hill. It's so good.
-I wish I could breathe out of my nose.
-I hope tomorrow is a nice day.
-Tomorrow is Trents birthday.
-I got him a weird gift. But he'll probably like it.
-I'm still annoyed. This vent sesh didn't do much good.
-I quit.
-Then end.

The days Events...

Today... was an eventful day.

First of all, it's 3/11/11.... 311... DUH.

{Sweet Pic}

Next, the Japan disaster is just horrifying. It makes me so sad to watch the news and hear the updates. It absolutely breaks my heart. Hopes and prayers go out to everyone who has been effected. Also, prayers go out to those who are working their butts off to deliver aid and support during this tragic time.

{soooo sad}

[[ I had a fabulous interview this morning full of positive news.

Cross your fingers and your toesies for me!! ]]

Then, I went shopping today. The 'rents gave me a hundred and fifty buckaroos from their tax return for me to spend on "ANYTHING, but bills or gas". (My mothers words... Not mine. But I'm NOT complaining!) Thanks Mom & Dad!

Finally, I got to see my BFF, Trent today. We went to a wedding receptions which was lovely. Everything was beautiful. Then we went for a short drive and chatted... Caught up on life. Then he showed me the motorcycle he wants. It's sweet.

Then I took little brother to dinner because he had a bit of a rough night. I figured I'd be a good big sis and try to cheer him up. Hopefully it helped...?

Today, I felt like I grew up a little bit.

It's a good feeling.

It's positive.

I still miss some frenz terribly.

 I feel like I haven't spent much time with anyone lately since I've been working and sick.

Mostly I worry about Japan. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Also my Old friend, Hope and Brett Ovard... Whos baby boy that was just born is now at Primary Childrens Hospital undergoing surgeries.

This is her update: 

  

"So Gage has what's called a diaphragmatic hernia. Today they did surgery to close the hernia. When they went in to repair things they had to take his spleen, part of his stomach, and his small and large intestines out of his left chest cavity and put things back in place. They left the wound open so that his abdomen can adjust to having the organs in the right place and they will close it next Tuesday or Wednesday. Looking at the x-Ray he has a left lung and it fills the entire cavity (the nurse said usually with this problem you don't see that much lung), so right now things are looking good, it'll still be a long recovery so primary childrens will be our new home for the next month (or months). Thanks for all the prayers they have truly been felt."

{Pray for their little bundle of joy}

Blahhh.

I am praying to the Gods of sickness that they CHILL OUT and stop making me so sick.

Also, that they magically heal my stupid stuffy nose so I can breathe. 

I need adequate oxygen to stay alive and I'm afraid I'm not getting a sufficient amount. 

Tomorrow is important and I need to be healthy!

I have seven hours to get better.

marksetgo.

The Road is Long and in The End... The Journey is the Destination

Sometimes I sit in a quiet room and ponder to myself if some of the decisions I have made have been the right ones. I wonder if the direction my life has taken me really is for the best. Pictures spark old memories; Some happy, some sad... Some make me wonder what could have been.

What if I hadn't pushed that boy away? Would it be me that he's so happy in love with now?

He's a better guy that what I realized at the time.

What if I gave one last burst of effort to fight for a friendship that was slipping through the cracks?

Would we still be best friends? Would it still be me and her against the world?

What if I said I was sorry? What if we took the time to work out our differences?

Would he still be alive?

Would I be able to tell him that I've changed? That I'm not the same person I used to be?

Would he be proud of me?

Are the words that are printed so clearly, so plain as day on that sheet of paper true?

Have I made a difference in someones life? Do my friends know I'm there for them? Do they know I care and support them, and would do anything for them? Or am I just an average friend to them?

Is it partially my fault that my sister and I aren't as close as we used to be? Does she know that I wish we could go back to the way it used to be when we'd actually spend time together and have things to talk about?

If I would have gone to church more in the past couple years, would I still have had to fight through the last ten months of my life? Am I only hurting myself?

I'm hoping I can find the answers to most of these questions at some point in my life.

Some, I don't think I'll know the answers to until I'm graced with the presence on my Heavenly Father.

Mark my words, I'll be asking a lot of questions. I sure hope He's ready for it.

The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair... remember, it's only in the black of night you can see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for... Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined... Who knows where life will take you.

The road is long and in the end... the journey is the destination.